I was eight years old but my roots of what would create the very foundation of my began- my genesis of thought. The beginning of never ending thoughts that until today I cant stop. Its like a noise that permeates my every move, a noise that wouldnt stop pounding at my heart and mind; the thoughts wouldn't stop bambarding me. Thoughts about eternity; about right and wrong; about questions like what does God expect and want and ask of us? Soon enough the harmless rules about what I ate and what I did on my weekends began to impact my day to day life as a kid. The picture painted of God began to be less and less wondrous and more filled with fear and rules. I wasn't aloud to hang out with certain friends, wear the same clothes. I wasn't aloud to go out to eat with my friends and soon enough the city where we lived didn't provide the necessities needed for this new life. We had to leave this place where I called home to a place my mind always paints as dark and unclear. To somewhere less stable, somewhere filled with the rules of God and what we thought He expected of us.
Sunday, May 19, 2013
The seeds of thought and doubt.
I dont quite remember when it happened but one year my father did go to shul on Yom Kippur and somehow he opened his eyes to the world he once thought was filled with folly- it was the world of organized religion. He said that Rav Yasimm Hagen- a sfardi ultraorthodox rabbi had traveled from Israel to return lost Jewish souls to Judaism on this very yom kippur he decided to come. This rabbi found something special in my father- a sort of intellect and wonder of the world and with this gave him the power to change. And change he did- his life as well as ours. That life was never the same again.
At first it wasnt much- sending me to school with a kosher lunch, teaching me about the torah every shabbat, us washing hands and eating challah with the family. We stopped watching tv after kiddush and my father stopped shaving his beard. Instead we spoke about stories filled with adventure and lessons. Stories about Abraham and his travels, stories about Yosef and how he survived a dangerous pit and being locked up in one of the worst jails in the world. They opened my eyes and my mind and I began to think about deeper things; less childlike thoughts;ones less dense.
Life began to be filled less with beaches and bathing suits; less of shopping and dressing up; less of catching crabs and getting into trouble on the lake. Life stopped being about boardwalks and music. Life became less filled with movie theaters and popcorn. It had less colorful clothes and lightheartedness.
I was eight years old but my roots of what would create the very foundation of my began- my genesis of thought. The beginning of never ending thoughts that until today I cant stop. Its like a noise that permeates my every move, a noise that wouldnt stop pounding at my heart and mind; the thoughts wouldn't stop bambarding me. Thoughts about eternity; about right and wrong; about questions like what does God expect and want and ask of us? Soon enough the harmless rules about what I ate and what I did on my weekends began to impact my day to day life as a kid. The picture painted of God began to be less and less wondrous and more filled with fear and rules. I wasn't aloud to hang out with certain friends, wear the same clothes. I wasn't aloud to go out to eat with my friends and soon enough the city where we lived didn't provide the necessities needed for this new life. We had to leave this place where I called home to a place my mind always paints as dark and unclear. To somewhere less stable, somewhere filled with the rules of God and what we thought He expected of us.
I was eight years old but my roots of what would create the very foundation of my began- my genesis of thought. The beginning of never ending thoughts that until today I cant stop. Its like a noise that permeates my every move, a noise that wouldnt stop pounding at my heart and mind; the thoughts wouldn't stop bambarding me. Thoughts about eternity; about right and wrong; about questions like what does God expect and want and ask of us? Soon enough the harmless rules about what I ate and what I did on my weekends began to impact my day to day life as a kid. The picture painted of God began to be less and less wondrous and more filled with fear and rules. I wasn't aloud to hang out with certain friends, wear the same clothes. I wasn't aloud to go out to eat with my friends and soon enough the city where we lived didn't provide the necessities needed for this new life. We had to leave this place where I called home to a place my mind always paints as dark and unclear. To somewhere less stable, somewhere filled with the rules of God and what we thought He expected of us.
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